The Adventures of People and Fandoms
by AntWarrior
Summary: What me and my friend talk about in an average conversation. Originally started as a Pinteresque play script in English.
1. Chapter 1

Chloe had been sat for a long time now. She had been kicked, trampled and stamped on many a time and the way she sat with her crossed legs were starting to hurt. If only she had someone to at least talk to.

And at the moment Jenny stumbled her way into the hall.

"Oh great Jenny (!)" Chloe thought to herself as Jenny continued to pick her way through the people that had sat in the most inconvenient places.

"Sorry, sorry! Pardon me" Jenny was making quite the fool of herself, bumbling along with her trailing matrix-like coat and a bag that was close to bursting with all the useless junk she carried around with her.

"Hey Chloe!" She burst out in a far too happy and confident voice.

"Hi" Chloe replied; much less chipper then her friend.

A silence hung over the pair as Jenny squeezed into the empty floor space next to Chloe.

"How are you?" Jenny smiled.

"… Fine thanks… you always say that,"

"What, how are you? But that's just how you start a conversation,"

"You literally saw me, like, two seconds ago!" Chloe was getting slowly more frustrated at all these mundane conversations that Jenny would always have with her. Every time they would sit waiting for their bus number to be called, sat cramped into the tiny hall surrounded by a million hyper-active year.7s, Jenny would always start with the same question "How are you?"

Jenny thought for a few seconds and eventually came out with "But you could have changed since then?"

"What?! How?" Chloe's little eyes screwed up in her Vince/Naboo type way and she tilted her head slightly to the side.

"Well… you could have been stabbed in the face" Jenny replied confidently.

"What?!"

"Well, you know, someone could have just come along, with a knife, and well, stabbed you in the face." Jenny's voice was so plain and devoid of any emotion it reminded Chloe of the piece of Nazi propaganda that she had just recently watched in her history lesson – The Eternal Jew. Like Jenny's voice it was told in such a way as to appear fact… not that Chloe was a Nazi or anything.

Jenny had started to stare into Chloe's eyes trying to get Chloe's attention back to her. Jenny thought once again that Chloe had gone of on another tangent, probably involving Johnlock or The Mighty Boosh.

"Hmmm… more likely to be Johnlock" Jenny thought aloud.

At the mention of Johnlock, Chloe burst back into reality. "Why would someone want to stab me in the face?"

There was another awkward silence, typical in a normal Chloe-Jenny conversation.

"'Coz… you're…" There was another long pause as Jenny said the inevitable. "ginger."

"I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT!" Chloe exploded into rage, her red face almost matching the bright colour of her au-natural ginger hair.

Jenny, obviously quite terrified at Chloe's outburst said nothing.

"Look! Rainbows!" Jenny ran out a finger at her friend's rainbow coloured scarf and instantly Chloe began to check if they were in the correct order. Carefully sorting through each fibre of the scarf.

"The colours are correct." Chloe stated.

Jenny swept her brow in her quiet knowledge that she had defused the bomb.

"I'm quite glad that you're so similar to The Kid" Jenny said.

"I think you mean Death the Kid,"

"Well, you know one of my favourite characters, out of one of my favourite films is called The Kid so excuse me if I shorten the Death Note's "The Kid" character's name."

"What you've just said… makes no sense."

And then Jenny started on one of her many rants about one of the most obscure and tiny things in the history of man, normally somehow relating to Adam Ant. Only the other day Jenny had lectured her whole Art class on "important" Punk history. Jenny was always making obscure references that nobody else got. Chloe remembered back to one time in PE, or was it Ent. and Emp.? Who knows, but Jenny swaggered into the classroom and declared to her friends, "This is going to be legend wait for it I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'coz the second half of this word is dary! Hmm"

The class was quiet.

"Don't none of you watch How I Met Your Mother?! Are none of you familiar with the work of Neil Patrick Harris?!"

"Is that the show that's kind of a copy of Friends?" One lone person called out.

Jenny sighed and held a tired hand to her face. "Never mind."

"Chloe? Chloe? Hello?" Jenny hit Chloe quite hard on the head to try and get Chloe back into the conversation. "Were you even listening to me?!"

"Umm…"

"Why can't we go back to the days when we were working for Sherlock and you got caught up in that complicated love triangle with Sherlock and John. Wow, I still remember John's face where Sherlock told him he was seeing YOU… John nearly hit Sherlock's cheekbones straight out…"

"Jenny… we're in year.10."

"Yer"

"None of us work, let alone travel to London for work,"

"And…"

"That never actually happened!"

"Or did it?"

"What?!"


	2. Chapter 2

Well, the train was delayed.

Typical.

Jenny and Chloe had only chosen to take the train because they thought it would be quicker, well Chloe thought it would be. The girls had been sat on the train for a record-braking 5 hours, and Chloe was staring to get bored. Not even the image of Benedict Cumberbatch topless in the latest copy of Heat magazine was cheering Chloe up.

The conversation had dried up between herself and Jenny, besides; there are only so many times you can ask somebody how they are. Jenny had finally turned to listening to her iPod, whilst Chloe was left thinking.

Despite there being about a thousand other passengers on the train it all seemed eerily quiet, but just at that moment Jenny broke past it and softly sang something unintelligible to herself.

"Jenny, will you _please_ stop that!" Chloe's eyes seemed to explode and her long woollen coat rose up around her in pure rage.

"Calm down, woman! Look… Cartrouble…" Jenny lifted up her iPod and forcefully beat against the little circular pad so the pestering device could light up, revealing to Chloe, Cartrouble.

"What… or who is Cartrouble?"

"Cartrouble, you know!"

"No Jenny, don't sing! Please, not on the train!" Chloe thought to herself, but it was too late, Jenny was already in full swing.

_"Have you ever had a ride in a light blue car?! _

_Have you ever stopped to think who's alive and who's the master?! _

_Have you ever had trouble with your automobile?! _

_Have you ever had to push, push, push, push?! _

_Bap bap bap baa ba bap, _

_Cartrouble, OH YEAH!"_

By the end of the verse Jenny was up, dancing as if she was Adam Ant herself (Chloe had guessed that it was an Adam Ant song, purely because Jenny was so obsessed.) Shouting in fellow passengers' faces, twirling and throwing jagged moves all over the place. Her badly out-of-tune voice spiking and screeching until she shouted the very last line.

"Excuse me…" A drawling but swarve American voice seemed to speak out of nowhere, and Chloe was instantly trying to find a way to apologise appropriately for her friend. The two girls' eyes scanned around to carriage to find the man, and Jenny couldn't believe who was sat in front of her…

Chloe's eyes also found the swarve American. Peeping out of a giant newspaper was a very annoyed face. Relatively old, yet the man's shoulder-length hair told a different story. Though he still looked like a bit of a stereotypical maths teacher, or maybe a history teacher – a man who hated wrong answers and incorrect utterances (not that Chloe and Jenny's history teacher was like that).

"I'm so sorry about my friend, she's… I don't… I can't" Chloe's voice grew in frustration until Chloe seemed as she was about to physically attack Jenny, but then something strange happened…

Jenny's face had suddenly grown very white and stretched, her eyes even bigger than usual.

"Chloe… Chloe… th…that's…" Jenny stuttered.

"Oh god, I've been spotted" The American spouted out, sighing as he folded the whole newspaper down for everyone to see his face.

"Nicolas Cage… How are you?..." Jenny whispered in awe, as both Nicolas and Chloe starred in bemusement.

Nicolas straightened up and coughed, clearing his drawling voice. He was ready to deliver the usual fan sprawl but before he did he was interrupted.

"Who?!" Chloe sputtered. Squinting her eyes in disbelief that the man sat in front of her was anyone important.

"Chloe! Don't you know ANYTHING! That's the famous Hollywood actor, Nicolas Cage!" Jenny screamed in a hushed whisper.

"Yer, listen to your friend…Chloe," Nicolas scanned Chloe from top to bottom in disgust at the fact that she didn't know who he was; he owned a caste for god sake!

"I'm the famous Hollywood actor, Nicholas Cage."

What followed after was the strangest conversation Chloe had ever heard…well…Chloe was on Tumblr, so probably not the weirdest conversation she'd heard, but weird nonetheless.

Although the train had finally started moving the time seemed to move no faster for Chloe, she paid partial attention to Nicolas and Jenny's conversation, bunnies had been exchanged, hair had been twiddled and Nicolas continued drawling on about his latest film, _Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feelin' So Sad. _

Ridiculous Chloe thought, what a stupid name!

Finally the train arrived at a station close to Baker Street, and Jenny and Nicolas were pulled apart from each other, promising to visit Nicolas in his hotel. Chloe and Jenny stepped off the train, dragging their suitcases, ready to start their work experience in Baker Street…

"End of Chapter 1!" Jenny declared with flourish, as she was attempting to get to her feet amidst the crowded hall. "Me bus is here, I've got to go. See ya!"

"Wait…Jenny! What the hell was Nicolas Cage doing in our supposed story of our _Sherlock_ work experience?!"

Jenny thought.

"Felt like it… besides, I love Nicolas Cage…" And with that Jenny ran off to catch her bus, her matrix coat flailing behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Cor, it's freezing," Jenny shivered as she bent down, attempting to reach the low buttons on her coat.

"Jenny…" Chloe couldn't even. Enough was enough with Jenny, besides; they were now _soo_ close to Baker Street, for Chloe it was just unbearable. The girls were just a short taxi ride away from their work experience… just a short taxi ride away from Sherlock's precious cheekbones…

"Chloe?! Chloe?! Hello?!" Jenny sighed "Are you thinking of Sherlock's cheekbones _again_?!" Jenny had to admit that Chloe had been relatively good on the fangirling front, well, after the main initial collapse of fangirling, followed by at least 3 more attacks. Chloe had only had a few fangirl dreams since but Jenny was cold and grabbed hold of Chloe's arm, pulling her towards the stairs of the Underground, towards the bright lights of London…

Well, actually it was day time, so it wasn't that much brighter than the country that Chloe and Jenny were so used to, but, you know, you get the picture…

Chloe had finally come round and after watching Jenny flail around trying to hail a cab, Chloe finally stuck one of her arms into the road, and a taxi came obediently to her.

Chloe stood, waiting for Jenny to realise that Chloe had caught a taxi, then finally the two girls bundled into the taxi, their long coats filling most of the cab.

Jenny was about to speak but Chloe swiftly put a hand in front of Jenny's mouth, both were silent for a second, and then…

"Where to, girls?" The cab driver called.

The two girls looked each other in the eyes, then to the driver, then back to each other. After a range of stern facial expressions from Chloe, and looks of bemusement from Jenny, Jenny sighed.

"Fine! You can say it." And like a sullen teenager, Jenny retired to the corner of the cab away from Chloe, crossing her arms and pulling a ridiculous duck face.

Chloe pulled on the lapels and collar of he coat, adjusting her thick woollen scarf, "Baker Street please, Driver,"

The driver gave a knowing look at Chloe and pulled into the road.

The journey seemed long, and Chloe was pondering to herself. She was sure she'd seen the cab driver before… He was quite old and wrinkled, with matching grey hair; he wore a flat cap, thick round glasses, and an even thicker cardigan.

Hmmm… very familiar…

Then Chloe remembered. She grabbed down to her suitcase, searching for her Sherlock book, a book filled with a deep rundown of each Sherlock case, a book much loved by Chloe. She flicked through the well worn pages until she reached a section called _"A Study in Pink" _

"Damn it, Lucy!" Chloe thought. A friend, Lucy, had decided to layer Chloe's Sherlock book with post-it notes, spelling out various inaccuracies and possible ships, but Chloe stared at one post-it note in particular. You see, it happened to be covering the face of a particular cab driver in Sherlock.

Chloe ripped the post-it note off the page with an angered flourish, and threw it to her side, inadvertently hitting Jenny in the face.

"Ow!" Jenny said, far too dramatically, giving Chloe a most offended look, but Chloe didn't care.

Chloe had realised.

Jenny and Chloe were sat in the cab driver from Sherlock's taxi.

"Jenny?" Chloe whispered.

"Yer," Jenny returned in her normally loud voice.

"Shh! Look," Chloe pointed to the cab driver "Don't you know who that is?!"

"Oh yer!" Jenny's eyes lit up "It's Captain Hutch from Being Human!" A pained expression suddenly appeared on Jenny's face "Oh, Being Human… why do all the best things end…" Chloe was getting more annoyed, yet growing more bemused at Jenny's trail of thought. Chloe looked at Jenny with her tiny screwed up eyes as Jenny began to sob "Merlin!" Jenny wailed, reaching her hands high in the air "Why didn't Merlin just use the dragon to carry Arthur?! WHY?!"

Chloe sighed deep into her gloved hands, and then looked sternly at Jenny's sobbing little face.

"You idiot" Chloe said.

Jenny finally understood Chloe; she let out a big sigh of realisation, and looked at Chloe, wide-eyed, pointing to the cab driver.

"Wasn't he in Sherlock?"

Just as Chloe was building up enough rage to effectively shout ay Jenny for her complete incompetence and stupidity the cab stopped abruptly.

The girls looked out the windows of the cab. They'd arrived at a run-down complex of industrial buildings. The girls were a long way from Baker Street now…

The cab driver turned in his seat to face the girls through the little piece of glass.

"I'd like to play a game with you, girls…"

"Ooh, bus, gotta go, Chloe" Jenny once again rushed to her feat, and seeing all her bags and clothes were about her, went to walk out the hall.

"Jenny" Chloe said, sternly.

"Yer?"

"Why haven't we gotten to Sherlock's yet?!"

"Weren't you listening?! We've been ensnared in the cab driver from Sherlock's games!"

"You don't know his name do you?"

"Who's name?"

"The cab driver from Sherlock?"

"I know his name!"

Chloe looked unbelievably at Jenny.

"Fine! I don't" Jenny whimpered.

"It's Jeff "The Cabbie" Hope" Chloe straightened her back and looked away from Jenny, and Jenny was about to walk to catch her bus before Chloe added "Next time we better meet Sherlock!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Chloe, I'm about to fangirl, but if I do then I won't be paying attention and I'll probably die, so you have to promise not to fangirl while I'm fangirling…Ok?...Chloe?" Jenny looked over to Chloe, but her eyes were clearly glazed over, any second now she was started flapping her little arms around like a T-rex stepping on a hot fire.

It looked like Jenny would have to get them out of this on her own…

The cabbie, Jeff opened the passenger door and dragged Chloe out onto the dusty floor, Jenny following behind.

"Well then, while your friend is indisposed it looks like we're going to have to play the game first. I'll outlive your friend later,"

"You can't do this, you died!" Jenny shouted

"Well, people always said I was a dead man walking… Anyway, follow me"

The cabbie span on his heels and went to grab Chloe's hand to drag her to the building where the game would commence, Jenny took her opportunity.

She got into a Power-ranger type position; legs spaced far apart looking like Jenny had just jumped off some building, one arm positioned across her body with a tight fist, the other, Jenny threw into the air where a shining red ring filled the light of the sky.

"I call upon the powers of CJHJB!" Jenny called out, high into the skies, her voice booming and echoing around the world.

The cabbie looked around confused, expecting to suddenly see an army appear around him. But nothing happened.

"Stupid! Enough of that game now, come and play my game…" The cabbie said, sneering at Jenny's efforts to escape.

Jenny was getting ready to follow the cabbie to her certain death but then out of the skies flew two blue beams of light.

"Of course, CJHJB! How could I be so stupid!" The cabbie exclaimed as two figures started to appear out of the beams of light.

Jenny whispered under her breath "Captain Jack Harkness and John Barrowmen…"

Instantly sensing danger Captain Jack drew his gun from its holster (and no that isn't a euphemism) and drew it to point at the cabbie's head.

"Wait, you can't shoot him Jack, his blood will get over the ginger girl's coat… we can't spoil her coat!" John warned, blocking the gun with his hand.

"You're right," Jack replied, his American accent making his words slip from his mouth. He looked down to admire his own dashing coat, and the horror he would be in if it got covered in blood.

"Thank god you're here Jack and John, I thought you weren't coming! You have to save my friend and me!"

"We know, Jenny, we too are avid fans of Sherlock," Jack replied, reassuringly nodding his head.

Together the group had the cabbie surrounded, but there was no way to stop the cabbie and not ruining Chloe's coat.

The ultimate dilemma.

"Wait! I have an idea!" John exclaimed.

"No offence John but I'm Captain Jack here, I'm the one from Torchwood,"

"And don't all your plans normally involve jazz hands?" Jenny questioned as their situation seemed to get darker still.

John, not put off by the insults replied "Yes… but I've just topped up my tan… _and_ had my teeth whitened."

Jack, Jenny and John all gazed at each other, smiling to themselves. The cabbie still stood bemused in the middle of them all, not aware of the danger he would be about to be in.

John took one step forward, and Jenny slickly placed her round glasses over her eyes.

There was a silence only broken by the nearby traffic of London, and then it happened…

John ripped open his crisp white and blue striped shirt, baring and unnaturally orange complexion and bared his teeth wide open to the cabbie. A bright light came from John; the cabbie instantly blinded, and seemed to shrivel down into a tiny ball to protect himself from John's eye-watering brightness.

Jack and Jenny stood coolly, hands in pockets, while the cabbie suffered an unimaginable pain, screaming high into the sky.

But then it all got too much for the frail old cab driver, and he burst into a pile of flames, before falling gently falling into the ground as ash.

"Okay, glasses off, everybody," John called chirpily, buttoning his shirt back up, and readjusting his collar.

"You know I _do_ love you," Jack said, shocked that John's plan had worked.

The brimming sexual tension between the two was nothing new to Jenny. Jenny had known the two for a while know; they used to travel through time and space together fighting off various attacks and murderers, as well as hitting the town. Jenny stood remembering a certain club in the 51st century. Jack obviously had been reluctant to go, I mean he still had all this angst against the period, but John managed to persuade him… Jack would do anything for John, and visa versa. If Jack was tired of Torchwood then John would sometimes replace him whilst Jack rested.

But anyway, Jenny courteously distracted herself with Chloe whilst the two men made out.

"Chloe?" She was still fangirling and Jenny knew she had to do something to break her out of it. "Chloe, if you don't stop fangirling now then you'll miss John Barrowman, the actor who is most commonly known for playing the character Captain Jack Harkness in both Torchwood and Doctor Who, making out with the character, Captain Jack Harkness."

Jenny didn't have to wait long and Chloe was up, brushing the dirt from her coat and introducing herself to John and Jack, who, much to Chloe's disappointment had stopped making out.

"So Jenny, what brings you to London after all this time?" John asked cheerfully.

"Me and Chloe here got some work experience with Sherlock,"

"No kidding! Well tell him I said hey!" John said; fangirling just as Chloe had been doing.

The group continued talking pleasantries, and Jenny enjoyed catching up with her old friends. Chloe on the other hand was most confused at her friend's life. Chloe could swear that Jenny had said nothing about her travelling in time and space with John Barrowman and Captain Jack Harkness.

The day was too much for Chloe. All she had wanted to do this morning was to get to Sherlock's, and now, well, she didn't have a clue what was happening.

The actor and the character together!

Chloe just wanted to curl up against Sherlock's warm coat and drift off into sleep, ready for a week of work experience…

But then as the conversation looked as if it was drying up a shot rang out of nowhere. The bullet sped past Chloe's glowing ginger hair and straight into the forehead of John.

"John!" They all called out, Jack's voice already cracking. Quickly Chloe tried to find the shooter but all around her was empty. She scanned the tops of the buildings around her, they would, after all, provide the best hideout for the mysterious shooter, but Chloe still couldn't see anyone.

Meanwhile Jenny tried desperately hard to extract the bullet from John's forehead, she had grabbed the eyebrow tweezers from her coat pocket and stuffed them right in the bullet wound.

All this was hopeless, John was losing too much blood, and the fact that he had a bullet in his brain that was being followed by a pair of Jenny's tweezers probably didn't help his predicament. Jack tried to stop the blood but John was drawing his final breaths.

The girls gathered round, watching John slip away in the arms of Jack.

"You know what, Chloe? That's a beautiful scene… confusing but beautiful…" Jenny nodded assuredly as they both watched. But Chloe was already away, thinking of motives, suspects, anything that would help her solve the case of John Barrowman's mysterious shooting…

_The First Problem - John's Fall_...


End file.
